Episode 23: What No One Tells You About Setting Boundaries As A Service Based Entrepreneur

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On today's episode, we are talking all about what no one is telling you about setting boundaries, and that's all coming up here on today's episode. So stay tuned.

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Welcome to breaking the entrepreneur burnout cycle, your go to resource helping service based entrepreneurs break free from burnout. Each week, you'll learn how to identify and eliminate subconscious habits so that you can create a thriving business with greater income, greater impact and the freedom to live life to the fullest while having your time, energy and health, this is breaking the entrepreneur burnout cycle.

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Hey everyone, welcome into today's episode. Thank you so much for all of you who have been tuning in every Wednesday, and for those of you who have you know even taken the time to write a review or reach out personally, it means the world to me, because I am creating this so that we can help so many more service based entrepreneurs like yourselves break free from their limiting beliefs that are causing their burnout cycle. And so today, I am very excited, because we are talking all about what I could Geek on for hours, and that is behavioral neuroscience and how that is really impacting the way that we either show up in our business or don't show up in our business, and not just in our businesses, but also in our lives. Now today, what we're talking about is boundaries, specifically the behavioral neuroscience of of setting boundaries, and specifically what no one is telling you about, why it might be so difficult for you to set those boundaries. Okay, and if you're anything like I was, or like my clients, I'm willing to bet that you have, or currently are still calling yourself a people pleaser, and because of that, you feel like you have a hard time either setting boundaries in the first place, or you have a hard time remaining firm in your boundaries and actually honoring the boundaries and upholding your boundaries. And that, as you probably know, on a logical level, is getting in your way, and has been costing you, not just your time in your business, but it's been costing your energy and, quite frankly, your sanity, right? And because of your people pleasing tendencies, you might find yourself, you know, putting everything that you are doing aside anytime a client messages you, or anytime a teammate messages you so that you can answer immediately, or you're replaying scenarios in your head at least 10 times, worrying about what your client thinks of you if you say no and if you set a boundary with them, or maybe it looks like you are offering to go above and beyond and do more for your clients, because you are looking to exceed their expectations, to show them that you genuinely care. And if you are doing any of those, then I am also willing to bet that you most likely get to the end of each day and you start feeling like you have nothing left in the tank for the people that you care about the most, and that you know most likely, from what I've seen, is causing feelings of disconnection and fighting with your family multiple times A week. And if this is you, then you most likely have heard from numerous people on numerous occasions, the advice of you need better boundaries in your business, like, as of yesterday, am I right? And I know you're smart, like, of course, you know on a logical level that boundaries are important to protect your time and to protect your energy in your business and your life, and you probably at some point have even said I need to be better at setting boundaries, or I need to be better about holding those boundaries in place. And if only it were that simple, right? In fact, I can empathize so much because I remember that I would get that piece of advice to set boundaries, and I just remember feeling so frustrated, like not with the person giving the advice, okay, like I would just feel so frustrated. I. Uh, with myself, because it's like, I know this. I know this on a logical level. I'm a smart person. I know how to set boundaries. I know I need to set boundaries. And it was just so frustrating for me because I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out how to effectively implement them when push came to shove. And does any of that sound familiar? I hope I'm not the only one alone in having this internal struggle where it's like, you know you need boundaries. You know what it takes to set boundaries. You know, in a sense, you need to have the boundaries, but you just can't seem, no matter how hard you try, and no matter how much you know this on a logical level, to confidently set them and confidently implement them.

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And if this does sound like you, then here's what I need you to hear. First off, you're in the right place, because this is stuff that I coach pretty much every single one of my clients through. But also I need you to hear that it is not your fault.

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Okay, it's not like you are consciously choosing these decisions to say yes when you really mean No, or to, you know, give in when people start pushing the boundaries, you see it is actually not your fault, because you aren't necessarily choosing this on a logical level, okay? And what I mean by that is the reason why you might logically know that setting boundaries is important, but not be able to execute and implement and uphold the boundaries actually isn't because of you.

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You see, the reason that this keeps happening is actually because of your subconscious mind. The mistake that most entrepreneurs make is they believe that the more the majority of their decision making is happening all logically, and because of that, they believe that majority of their decisions are logical. And then, because most of their decisions are logical, or they believe that they are anyway, they then start beating themselves up, you know, guilting themselves and shaming themselves for not being better, for not being able to fix the problem, for not being able to set these boundaries. But let me ask you this, if majority of your decisions are logical, then wouldn't you already have fixed the boundary problems using logic alone, right? Because you logically know it. So why is the problem still there? Why is that right? Like, have you ever asked yourself that? Because here's what I know. I know that neuro studies have actually shown that 80 to 90% of our decision making actually is happening subconsciously, meaning it's not happening logically, that's 80 to 90% of our daily decision making. And I mean, that is a good thing. Why is that a good thing, because did you know that on average, 30,000 or humans make 30,000 decisions on a daily basis? And can you imagine just how exhausting that would be if you had to logically think through every single decision on a daily basis? That would be 30,000 decisions every day that you have to, like, weigh the pros and cons, think critically about it, all of that. And that's a lot of brain power, right? That's a lot of glucose going to the brain to make that logical decision. And that's a lot of energy that your body would either need to produce in order to sustain that. And so this is the very reason why our brains put some of these decision making skills on autopilot. Is because it is there to help conserve energy for, you know, a real potential threat, or to conserve energy for the tasks that you haven't figured out yet. And so what does that actually mean when it comes to setting boundaries and upholding them in your business?

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Well, what that means is that simply, you have put this decision making on subconscious, automatic pattern, and not you consciously. What I mean by you is your brain has put it on a automatic, subconscious pattern, and you've adopted it. You know, through observation and experience, and most likely, without even knowing, that you put this on autopilot. Yeah. And the reason it gets put on autopilot at a certain point is because it's like your brain essentially goes and says, Okay, this pattern has been working.

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Okay. This pattern has given us a payoff of some form, either a primary payoff or a secondary payoff, but it's given us something that we want, or it's helped us avoid something that we don't want. And so let's just, you know, put this in as a shortcut so that we do not have to make the conscious, critical thinking decisions around this each and every single time. And so it created the shortcut in your brain that you don't have to think twice about, and it will fire whenever situations present that reminds the brain of a similar scenario. Okay, and our brains create these shortcuts again, so that we can preserve glucose, which is the body's form of energy source for all tasks so that you can get through the day not having to use every single ounce of energy to make conscious decisions. And so it's no wonder why, even though you logically know that you need better boundaries, or you need to get better at the skill of setting boundaries that you still can't quite seem to make it happen. And the reason why that is happening, where you know it but you can't fix it, is because it's happening subconsciously. Meaning there is a belief there about if this, then that, if I do this, then that will happen. And it's created from that subconscious, automatic pattern that we talked about earlier. And so how do you change this? Well, to change this, it actually requires rewiring your subconscious mind, specifically rewiring beliefs that no longer serve you, beliefs that are limiting you from reaching the next level in your ability to set boundaries, and therefore your ability to get different results in your business, in your life, and just in general, right? And the first thing you know, the first step to ever doing a rewiring of your subconscious is the first recognize what is the actual subconscious pattern, or what is the actual limiting belief that is firing each and every time that I set boundaries or try To set boundaries, and it's then about learning brain based tools, to be able to not only recognize these patterns, but to then make conscious effort and decisions to eliminate those patterns, and learning the tools and the framework to do that so that You can put in new beliefs that align better with the results that you want. And if this is something that you have been looking to learn, right, and you're like, oh my god, Rihanna, like, seriously, you are speaking to me because I have been trying to get better at this skill for so long, and something just seems to be getting in the way. I just seem to keep hitting this like invisible wall, this invisible barrier. It almost feels like I'm stuck, and I don't even know why. Then I have a framework that has successfully helped my clients to be able to not only recognize what that invisible wall or That invisible barrier, has been but it's helped them to eliminate and rewire their subconscious mind and eliminate those limiting beliefs that were put into subconscious automation, and that led to them then not only experiencing greater impact, but greater income and more freedom, not just freedom of their time, but freedom and peace of mind around making decisions confidently, without having all of the anxiety and the you know, fear around am I doing the right thing. And if this sounds like something that you'd love to learn. I actually have a free workshop that's coming up where I am going to teach you how to uncover the limiting beliefs that are not only keeping you from having the business in life that you want, but that's keeping you in burnout. Okay, and to register for this, you can go to the page www, dot reana, mulcahy.com, forward, slash, rewired. So again, if this is something that you want to learn, you can register for a free training. It's going to be workshop style, where, essentially it's going to be interactive. I want. To really help you move past this so that you can have the business and the life that you deserve.

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Because it's not that you're not doing the right things, it's not that you're choosing not to set these boundaries or not to do these things. It's just that there is something in your subconscious that is invisibly blocking you, and it's time that you let that go. So again, if this is something that you would like to learn, you can register for the free workshop. It's www, dot Rihanna mulcahy.com, forward, slash, rewired. I hope to see you guys there. And as always, I am rooting for you guys and your thriving businesses and lives, and I will see you guys next week. Bye, for now. Bye.

Episode 23: What No One Tells You About Setting Boundaries As A Service Based Entrepreneur

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